I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
