I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize