he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
