How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
