Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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