we have pet lesbian snakes
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
