I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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