Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
