i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize