i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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