Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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