I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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