she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
