Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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