Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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