i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
