Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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