I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize