what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
