dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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