I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize