Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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