Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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