I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Houston, we have a blender
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize