Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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