I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
