PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i think my mom watched the whole time
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have so many feelings about this burrito
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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