Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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