You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
