so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
