fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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