he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
