apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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