Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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