i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
