2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize