Already got asked if we're dating
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
