she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
