Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
