Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize