If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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