Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
