Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
