He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
