Umm I'm too high to move.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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