Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
