Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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