I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
