Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
