Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is it penis luge time yet?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize