1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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