She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize