We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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