There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
