Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
