She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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