Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
