If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
