so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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