If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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