hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
