Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
