my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize