Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
