You work out of a Hotel?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
