dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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