You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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