whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just cropdusted the office
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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