I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
