This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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