I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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