so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
