dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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