Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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