Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
