sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
