I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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