the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
A bitchslap is in order.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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