I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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