We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
