oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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