Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
