sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
