I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
