So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
