I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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