Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am in a vortex of obligation.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
