don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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