i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize