I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
