So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
