Screwed.edu
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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