I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
