After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
