You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
