The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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