Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize