You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
