Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
