lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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